Legend of the SUPER HLUK!

Randy failed to retrieve the SAKU belt

And so it went that Randy “The Elder” Couture was not the prophesied one and many were disheartened as a lineage of prospective prophesied ones all seemed to fail. Antonio Noguiera, the man with the Orca Hole, who it was suggested would vie for the title should he beat Randy “The Ancient One” Couture was instead denied the title shot and subsequently went on to lose to Frank “Big Head” Mir. Frank “Big Head” Mir was another that some hoped would be the prophesied one. In a time past he had beaten the Evil Overlords smelly Ogre, Brock Lesnar, but that was before Brock wielded the awesome power of the SAKU belt, a power that had even proven to be too great for Randy “The Living Fossil” Couture. Brock made easy work of Mir causing his head to balloon to an even larger size than before! Then there was Shane “The Exaggerated” Carwin who was promoted to a title shot without fighting Cain “He who is proud of Brown” Velasquez. Carwin was able to knock the ogre down and cause it to do a possum defense from the fetal position. Unfortunately, Carwin was exhausted by the end of his first round attack due to a lack of endurance. Carwin would go on to say that it was not a lack of endurance, rather that his body had just stopped working. In other words, a lack of endurance.

Dana refuses to pay Werdum fairly

Many began to lose faith in the prophecy. Those of so little faith now wander aimlessly, but those who were steadfast had to face another painful milestone. A man who came to prominence in the Eastern Org, Fabricio “the pretzel maker” Werdum, was determined to fight his way to the SAKU belt. Although it was a rocky road, he managed a respectable 2 – 2 record against solid opposition and before the last loss was rumored to be one fight away from facing the ugly, stupid ogre. Unfortunately he lost and his contract with the evil org was done. When Werdum tried to make a new contract with them and asked for a reasonable pay so that he may sustain a stable existence, the evil overlords refused because they hate to pay their stable of fighters fairly. It thus became unfeasible for Werdum to continue under the roof of the evil org.

And so it was that Werdum prematurely entered the smaller, kinder org and continued his winning ways. There he fought the great Fedor, the SAKU belts true guardian. At that same time, detractors of the prophecy decried the Fedor’s opposition and called the Fedor a coward. They taunted him with song. They sang:

“Fedor…Superstar…do you believe you’re as great as they say you are?”

But Fedor was noble and humble and always responded, “I do not say that I am great, you say so.”

Those that hated him seethed at his calm demeanor and his humility angered them and so they ignored it and kept saying things like “If the Fedor thinks he is so great then he needs to fight so and so.” But the Fedor never said he was great so they should shut their stupid faces! Anyhow, the Fedor fought Werdum and lost. Oh how the faithful mourned. Woefully did we cry out to the point that my Mom was like “Shut up and blog about it already, then look for a damn job.”

Without the SAKU belt it was clear that the Fedor’s powers were waning over time. It began to seem to some that the prophecies were wrong, and more lost faith, and more wandered aimlessly and confused.

STOP! I say. Stop your aimless wandering, come back to your faith in the prophecy. Hearken, for in the East hope has descended. Legend says he comes from Splash Heaven. If you do not know Splash Heaven, worry not for I shall tell you what Splash Heaven is: It is the place from whence he came and whence he came was from Splash Heaven. They say he is part man and part Minowa, and they call to him and say, “you are Minowaman.”

Minowaman Fights Superhulk

At first Minowman had a spotty career in the art of pugilism and many questioned whether he was truly a part of the legend at all. But he was simply gaining power slowly, kind of like Goku in Dragon Ball Z. In fact if you had one of those eye-piece power-gages they have in Dragon Ball Z and you looked at Minowa, you would have an eye-full of glass as it would totally explode. And when his power was where it needed to be, a tournament was created. A tournament of SuperHulks. Although the participants were shallow in talent, they were colossal in strength. Minowa entered the tournament and defeated all of the SuperHulks and was able to steal their strength, but no man can contain that much strength. He would  need to fuse it in a belt that of course could never be as strong as the SAKU belt, but may be the only hope of ever retrieving the SAKU belt. Unfortunately, the masons that constructed the organization that held the SuperHulk tournament were too stupid to make a belt for him. But ease your apprehension by knowing that the prophecy tells of a golden child who will fashion the belt for him the Minowaman and that Golden child was found and did as was prophesied.

Minowaman Sports the Super Hluk belt

Since obtaining the belt, many have tried to take it from Minowaman, but their efforts have been fruitless. However, the belt will need to start its journey West and Minowaman is simply waiting for a man strong in character and ability to take it there, so as to give it to whomever will eventually rival the evil orgs big smelly, gross ogre.