The Legend of the SAKU Belt

Long, long ago, a family adapted a martial art form from Japanese Jiu Jitsu and called the new form Gracie Jiu Jitsu. So proud of this refined art were they that they challenged all comers in the land and easily defeated them. Having run out of worthy opponents they traveled North to demonstrate their art and there they created an organization they dubbed the UFC. When one of the weakest of their lineage ran through the competition in the UFC they bowed from the limelight only to watch as their once great organization was later taken over by evil overlords and run by a goonish, greedy, president named Dana White. Under the guidance of these evil overlords, the organization became powerful.


["goonish, greedy, president...Dana White"]

Bothered by the evil growth of their once beloved organization, the family saw promise in an eastern organization and so they re-emerged to bolster the force of that org. The oldest brother, who had never lost in 500 fights, continued his dominance in the Eastern Org, but also helped the org develop the needed popularity. However, it was not long after that a worthy foe made himself known: Sakuraba, the Gallant. Sakuraba handily defeated the family and stole their fighting spirit in the process so that the family would never be all that good ever again. But he chose to honor them by taking their fighting spirits and merging it with his own to forge perhaps the most important item in mixed martial arts....THE SAKU BELT! (of course, by investing his own fighter spirit into it as well, he also ensured that he would never be all that good again either should he ever lose the belt)


[of course this is not a real image of the belt as the belt now only exists in spiritual essence, although some believe it still exists in physical form and look for it in what they call Belt Quests]

At the beginning of its creation, a prophecy was made. By whom? I shall reveal that in later post, so keep following, but for now know that it exists in the ether. And that prophecy said that one day the belt would fall in the hands of the evil overlords of the Greedy Org who at the time were brutishly stomping out all smaller orgs and even enjoying the process by putting the smaller org's names on tombstones because the overlords were total jerks like that.


[Dana White being a jerk]

But it was also prophesied that one man would recapture the belt and then sacrifice himself to the belts true Guardian, the Fedor, the last in a mysterious line of Emperors from a land unknown.

The prophecy was forgotten though, and the belt continued its wayward journey through the ranks of the eastern org. It's passing occurred as such: from Sakuraba the Gallant, to Wanderlei Silva the Axe Murderer, To Mark Hunt the Overrated, To Josh Barnett the Steroid User, To Mirko Filipovic the Croatian Cop. But the Croatian Cop had previously been humbled by the belts true Guardian, the Fedor. And realizing that to fight the Fedor again would be pointless and would cause him to lose the power of the belt, he went all Judas on Fedor and left to fight for the Greedy Org. Needless to say, the Eastern org fell shortly after never having truly appreciated or understood the power of the belt.

But there was an Evil ugly force emanating in the Greedy Org that felt like the entirety of the Universe's gravity on Mirko's shoulders, causing the Cro Cop to fight like total crap. Also, he fought a ManBearPig, a powerful being, who ironically head kicked the Cro Cop and stole the SAKU belt. It was then that Greedy Overlords realized what they had come in possession of and their power began to grow out of control along with their heads and their greed.



Fortunately, it appeared that the prophesied one had been found. Randy Couture, The Captain of America, clobbered the ManBearPig in his weakest part, his snout, and took the SAKU belt. Then he attempted to leave Greedy org so as to Sacrifice himself to the Belts true Guardian, the Fedor. But the greedy org saw his deceit and dragged him back into the bowels of its hellish octagon through legal means. There, he lost the Saku belt to the orgs newly possessed ogre, Brock Lesnar, who goes by many a name. Brock proved to be more than an ogre, he was in fact made by a secret recipe of greed, marketing, and evil. He was big and smelly and disrespectful to other fighters and the overlords loved it. He had no class and he and the Evil Overlords wanted nothing more than to destroy the integrity of the SAKU belt and MMA once and for all so that they could forever change MMA by stripping it of anything that resembled sport and turning it into only a spectacle.


[Brock Defends the Belt]

It had appeared that the Prophecy had failed. Randy only had two fights left on his contract. And the next fight for the title would be the winner of Carwin "The Last Hope" and Cain "The Really Last Hope." But the Evil Overlords wanted to exploit their ogre for money as fast as possible so they just threw Carwin at the Ogre early. Now Randy will fight Nog, the man with an orca hole in his back. And the winner of that fight may very well fight the winner of Carwin vs. Lesnar (- COUTURE VS. NOG LIKELY FOR NEXT TITLE SHOT - MMA WEEKLY - Mixed Martial Arts & UFC News, Photos, Rankings & more). And if Randy does fight the winner of that fight, it will be the last fight on his Contract and he will be free to leave the organization with the SAKU belt (should he miraculously win) to go to the Kind and Good organization, Strikeforce. There Randy will finally be able to sacrifice himself to the Belts true Guardian, Fedor, thus giving Strikeforce the power to overthrow the Greedy Corporation and recapture the dignity of MMA!!!!